I have Cancer.
About three weeks ago I went to the local ER regarding some mild back pain I was experiencing. After a few tests and a biopsy confirmation, I was told I have Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.
Of course I was in shock (as anyone would be).
“They are wrong.”
“How can this be?
“What about my kids?”
“I don’t want to die!”
And then something beautiful happened… Something I’ve never experienced.
It was raining as my husband and I were walking out of the hospital. I stopped in the middle of the parking lot, closed my eyes, then felt the rain wipe away my tears and gently caress my face. I smiled and said thank you silently.
I continued to walk, slowing my pace and deepening my breath. My mind wanted to go to crazy places but I chose differently.
Since that day I have watched the reactions from friends and family, but I have found myself supporting them emotionally even more than they were supporting me.
I have watched people look at me like I was dying. With closed eyes or blank stares it was as if they said, “But you are so young.”
As I sit here and write this, I feel a weird sense of Peace within my heart. I call it weird because this was something I did not expect. It almost feels like an opening. It is like I have already released a part of myself to create space for more healing.
Most people see Cancer as a death sentence or become paralyzed in fear of the unknown. I am determined to make sure this is NOT my experience.
It is a privilege to live this life. Cancer is giving me an opportunity to stand up more in my life, to be kinder to myself, more compassionate to my body, to learn the true meaning of gratitude and deepen my connection with those I love.
I have an opportunity to be more present.
I have time.
I have everything you need right now.
I am enough.
This is an opportunity to live more fully, learn more lessons, grow within myself, and teach my boys about fear, love, and life.
Yes I get scared sometimes (less often than expected) but I listen to my fear… I ask her questions and she leaves my body when I am present with her.
Life, parenting, and being human doesn’t have to be so scary. We have choices to react differently. We have choices to feel differently.
How do you want to feel when life throws you lemons?
P.S. It’s no coincidence that this week is my Mom Is In Control Summit. Now more than ever I have to make conscious decisions in my life that allow me to be in control. We have 2 days left if you wanna join us! Register here.