Heather Chauvin

Is anger really a bad thing? Does it serve a purpose?

It allows us to be. Express. Release. Take a stand. Have a voice. Heal.

When does it become a bad thing? Is it anger itself we are afraid of, or is it the ‘idea’ of what can become of it?

We secretly ask ourselves these questions…

• If I can’t handle his aggression now, what will it be like when he is stronger than me?
• His behaviour is starting to remind me of his father and I can’t live with that again.
• She tells me she hates me all the time. Am I becoming my mother?

I did something awful and I was reminded that I am human.

Last week I reacted in a very shameful way. We had a few big things happen in our family in a short amount of time, and I ‘thought’ I was taking care of myself and not stressing out. Of course I was so consumed with my own feelings of stress and overwhelm I didn’t stop to realize I wasn’t the only one affected in the family.

The morning was rough, as usual, but this particular morning felt like a tornado going through my body. I could feel the frustration welling up. I knew EXACTLY why it was happening. I neglected my self-care BIG TIME.

My son’s behaviour was slower than usual. Complaining he didn’t want to go to school, tired, grumpy. I yelled, screamed, and worse. I knew something was up, but I didn’t know what and I didn’t have time to ask.

I dropped him off at school with a hurting heart. I knew if I felt that way, he must feel just as bad.

I picked him up early for lunch. We talk. I cried. I apologized for my behaviour.
He apologized for his behaviour.

There was a mutual understanding in that moment that we are both human. We screwed up and it was back to the start we go.

Old me would have reacted, grounded him, taken his toys away… but who am I to punish his behaviour, when I acted in the same irrational way?

We learn as we go and we learn as we grow.

This was a learning opportunity for both of us. Collectively and as individuals.

Anger isn’t a bad thing. It serves a purpose. We shame ourselves for our emotions.

Anger is a reflection of what we cannot control. Ourselves, our children, or a feeling we have deep within us.

It wasn’t until I started teaching my own children to become aware of their own anger and how to effectively cope with these strong internal feelings that I was able to become aware of my own.

It’s a journey. We are imperfectly perfect in our own way. The key to success is when we catch ourselves, stop what we are doing, and make a conscious choice to react differently.

Any relationship – especially parenting – takes time, new learning, and growth.

You are not alone.

But I do have one question for you. If you don’t like what you see, how are you going to choose differently?

Would love to hear your comments!

Much love,

Heather Chauvin is a mental health and self-esteem advocate who has made it her mission to enhance the lives of women and children through conscious living. Heather has a Bachelor of Social Worker Degree and wide variety of continuing education certification in the mental health and holistic sector. Heather also carries a decade of experience working with many diverse populations locally and abroad. Heather leads dynamic training programs that teach both adults and children to succeed in life and accomplish anything they put their minds to. Her unique life experience and professional trainings gives Heather a one-of-a kind approach to personal growth and development.

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