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InstagramShare_30_30_30I’m a proud participant in Rachael Cook’s Biz Love Blog Tour! I’ve known Rachael personally for years and admire the kind of business she has created while raising a young family.

She speaks my language, I resonate with the lifestyle she lives and how she runs her business. Learning, creating a business and a life that fits her family (not the Jones’).

I was thrilled when she asked me to contribute to the Biz That Loves You Back Blog Tour with 29 other amazing entrepreneurs.

Today I’m sharing how I define success and how it took almost dying to teach me how to live and have it all on my own terms. 

What does having it all even mean?

To me having it all has absolutely nothing to do what how big my house is, what kind of car I drive how many many vacations I went on this year.

Having it all is a sacred definition of what I need to feel complete, whole and at peace in my body and mind. The physical manifestation of what this will look may change over time and will vary from person to person.

Example: Before beating stage 4 Cancer a few years ago, my having it all was doing work that I enjoyed at the expense of my health and social life. I was overjoyed to have a career that felt like play and a schedule where I could be present with my children.

Now having it all means being alive and feeling it fully. Material objects no longer consume my identity. I actually appreciate them more because of the joy they bring me but do not desire them because I want them to ‘create’ me.

Having it all (my own definition) means giving myself permission to be 100% connected to who I am so I can inspire those around me to do the same – my children, my husband and everyone I come into contact with.

Redefining success and why your success shouldn’t look like mine.

The word success makes me a little angry.

It’s overused and manipulated.

Parents often push their children towards an unrealistic ideal of what ‘success’ really is, and parents struggling to make ends meet because they’re trying to live someone else’s idea of success.

To me success is a personal definition. It’s a feeling of being enough, content. Satisfied even when I still have items on my to-do list to check off.

What if you knew what success felt like in your own body and mind… what would that feel like?

Understanding what success meant to me took time, energy and completely surrendering to the fact that it had nothing to do with any material item I could purchase. It was all based on wanting to feel alive… but I didn’t know how to feel alive until I almost died.

I was born to create things and I question systems when it’s time for change. When it was time for change in my life I had to create a new way of being. It took getting really sick to realize my own happiness and emotional freedom has to come from me – no one else.

I use to be that suicidal, depressed, anxious teenager who didn’t want to live. Who believed struggle was in her DNA. I was designed to fail, so I thought.

Today I now understand that’s complete BS.

My motivation comes from seeing people change and rewriting their story. To see people go after what they want – instead of being stuck in what they don’t want.

No child should suffer. No parent should feel like a failure. No happy couple should become disconnected just because they decided to have children.

Anything you want is possible – if you just decide to believe it is and put your big girl pants on and do the work.

So how do you create happiness while raising a family?

Since seeing the direct correlation with my happiness to my children’s behavior and status of my marriage most of my lifestyle non- negotiable are all directly correlated to how I want to feel in my life. My business and every situation I show up to.

  • Clean food. It has to feel good going in, and energize me.
  • Meditation / solo time. This can be 10 minutes before my 3 boys wake up.
  • Friends. Chips and dirty talk. Being in the personal growth field it’s easy to over analyze every situation. Sometimes you just gotta say ‘fuck it’ and not take yourself too seriously.
  • Date night. Remembering why we had kids together in the first place.
  • Family meals. Connection around food. Sitting together most nights of the week.

How do I avoid overwhelm and burnout in the process?

I don’t avoid it. It happens. That’s the beauty of contrast. Being grateful that burn out almost killed me once, I’m not willing to go back.

I know what overwhelm feelings like in my body and when that feeling comes, I stop. I feel it and I use my toolbox to get back on track. Typically takes a few hours – a few days depending on how long I was avoiding the signs.

How do I detach from business so I can recharge?

I have office hours. I put sticky notes on my office door and computer that say “you are not allowed to open until tomorrow.” My husband and kids hold me accountable to this as well.

If I can’t get all my work done in that time, than I need to find a better way to manage my time and energy or change my business model because my health is more important than being a grumpy unhealthy mother. That’s not how I want my children to remember me.

It takes a village to do anything. Support is the only way to get what you truly desire and if you are stuck in the ‘I can do it all myself’ mindset, it will stop being a struggle the day you ask for help.

I have lots of support. From a virtual assistant, project manager, designer, house cleaner to friends who listen to me ramble, to inspirational ‘silent’ mentors who post blogs and inspiration online from their journeys that allows me not to give up on mine.

I started small and as my business grew so did my team.

What it all boils down to.

At the end of the day it’s all about getting out of your own way. Starting where you are at and getting super crystal clear on what it is you truly want.

If you want to be a stay at home mom who’s work is solely taking care of the home – do it.

If you desire to make a difference in your community – then start connecting with those people now.

If you’re not sure where to go from here. That’s ok. Start somewhere. Ask questions. Get a mentor who will hold you accountable.

But… whatever you do, don’t let that flame die within you. It’s there for a reason. It’s coming to you as a guide. Don’t resist it. Listen and take action.

Your life is waiting. How do you want to be remembered?

Take one simple action today that will get you close to your bigger vision. Tell me what that one action is in the comments below.

 

Warmly,

heatherchauvin

 

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Heather Chauvin is a mental health and self-esteem advocate who has made it her mission to enhance the lives of women and children through conscious living. Heather has a Bachelor of Social Worker Degree and wide variety of continuing education certification in the mental health and holistic sector. Heather also carries a decade of experience working with many diverse populations locally and abroad. Heather leads dynamic training programs that teach both adults and children to succeed in life and accomplish anything they put their minds to. Her unique life experience and professional trainings gives Heather a one-of-a kind approach to personal growth and development.

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